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SPRINGFIELD, OR — Residents of a quiet suburban street were once again reassured by the familiar clanking of socket wrenches and muttered profanity echoing through the neighborhood as that really cool methy neighbor resumed work on his eternally disassembled Honda Civic at exactly 2:30AM.
Armed with a headlamp brighter than the sun and a half-empty Monster energy drink, local legend Travis “The Torque Whisperer” McNeil insists he’s “this close” to finishing the mysterious repair project that’s spanned five summers, seven relationships, and at least three restraining orders.
“It’s just one bolt,” Travis told reporters, wide-eyed and shaking slightly. “I know I said that in 2021, but this
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