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SPRINGFIELD, OREGON—Local residents can finally breathe a sigh of relief as city officials have approved the construction of two brand-new car washes, bringing the city’s already impressive total to way too many. With this latest addition, locals will have even more opportunities to spend a small fortune on a service that nature occasionally provides for free.
“We heard the community loud and clear,” said an unnamed city official, who definitely didn’t check to see if anyone actually asked for this. “Springfield was facing a serious crisis—where would residents go when they needed to pay $25 for a basic rinse and a ‘free’ vacuum that barely works? We
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