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BEND, ORE— A newly published study from the Oregon Culinary Arts & Beverage Institute has revealed that the highest-rated coffee in the state is consistently brewed by baristas who share three key characteristics: a prominent nose ring, at least 12 self-identified pronouns, and an unwavering refusal to make direct eye contact with customers.
The comprehensive study, which surveyed over 3,000 Oregon coffee drinkers across 27 cities, found that Bend residents repeatedly rated their coffee experiences highest at cafés employing what researchers call “the Portland Barista Archetype.” These baristas, described as non-binary, emotionally distant, and lightly tattooed, were overwhelmingly praised for producing what testers called “transcendent” lattes and
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