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SALEM, OR — A routine grocery run at the WinCo Foods off Commercial Street in Salem turned into a full-blown auditory crisis Friday morning after a local child—described by witnesses as “small but emotionally explosive”—unleashed a battle cry somewhere between a velociraptor and a foghorn near the broccoli display.
The sniveling brat in question, armed with nothing but a plastic headband and an iron grip on the shopping cart, reportedly began screaming after what sources believe was a firm maternal denial of candy. “It wasn’t even the good candy,” said one witness, shaking his head near the bananas. “Just a knockoff gummy bear bag. But the scream…
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