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Newport, Oregon— Local police have proudly unveiled what they believe to be groundbreaking security footage in their ongoing investigation of a robbery suspect. The image, which has been described as “state-of-the-art” by Officer Daniels, features a vaguely human-shaped blur standing near what might be a door—or perhaps a portal to another dimension. The department is now asking the public for help in identifying the “figure of interest.”
“When we reviewed this footage, we knew we had a critical piece of evidence,” Daniels stated confidently. “This is exactly the kind of clarity we’ve been waiting for. Look at those shapes and colors—unmistakably someone in a yellow shirt. Or
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