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HEAVEN—After years of patience, countless warnings, and multiple disasters that somehow still weren’t enough to inspire change, sources close to the Almighty confirm that God is now “heavily considering” giving California a gentle push into the Pacific by 2030.
“I mean, I gave them everything,” God said in an exclusive interview, shaking His head. “Stunning coastline, towering redwoods, perfect weather… and look what they did with it. It’s like handing someone a Lamborghini and watching them drive it straight into a Walmart parking lot to sleep in it because rent is $4,000 a month for a closet.”
Once a beacon of opportunity and innovation, California has steadily
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