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PORTLAND, OR — In what mall officials are calling “an unfortunate holiday incident,” the Easter Bunny abruptly ended his seasonal duties at the Lloyd Center this weekend after reportedly being ambushed by a 3-year-old wielding toddler-sized brass knuckles and a sippy cup full of Red Bull.
According to traumatized bystanders, the confrontation occurred shortly after the bunny refused to accept a crayon-drawn “IOU” as payment for a photo. Witnesses say the toddler—identified only as “Braxxxtyn”—approached the Easter Bunny with a grin, whispered “I run this mall,” and unleashed a flurry of surprisingly accurate punches to the lower abdomen of the 6’4″ man in costume.
“He didn’t even
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