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CRATER LAKE, OR — In a shocking but increasingly routine display of aquatic fury, the legendary Crater Lake Monster emerged from the lake’s impossibly blue depths Thursday afternoon and promptly devoured an entire boat tour, later blaming the impulsive act on a group of “obnoxiously loud TikTok hikers with a ring light and no respect for boundaries.”
This marks the second emergence of the mythical beast in recent months, following a widely publicized incident in which it interrupted a sunrise paddleboard yoga session by screaming, “SILENCE YOUR VIBES.” Despite the rising frequency of attacks, park officials have yet to establish a meaningful response plan beyond “hoping it
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