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PORTLAND, OR — Chaos erupted in a local community Slack channel today after a Portland man reportedly became deeply offended by the headline of an article that hadn’t even been written yet.
Sources confirm that 32-year-old River Moss-Fernwood (they/them), who identifies as post-geographic and spiritually nomadic, was outraged after reading the headline: “BREAKING: Portland Resident Offended by This Headline and Also the Word ‘Resident.’”
“I don’t identify with the colonial concept of residency,” said Moss-Fernwood, sipping a lavender-oat kombucha in a hammock installed between two artisan bike racks. “The word ‘resident’ implies borders, permanence, and acknowledgment of a municipal address — which is basically violence.”
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