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After 128 years in office, Senator Ron Wyden has announced a bold new infrastructure plan to finally address Oregon’s long-standing wagon wheel crisis. Speaking to reporters from the steps of the U.S. Capitol, Wyden promised that his long-awaited Wagon Wheel Modernization Act would provide “much-needed relief for the good people of Oregon who still rely on wooden spoke technology.”
“When I first came to the Senate, folks were breaking axles left and right,” Wyden reminisced, staring wistfully into the distance. “I promised to fix it, and by golly, I’m delivering now.”
The plan, which will roll out over the next 75 years, includes federal subsidies for sturdier
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