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SAD-Stricken Oregonians Seen Photosynthesizing in Public at First Glimpse of Sun

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Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR – As Oregon remains firmly locked in its annual five-month-long “Gray Gloom Death Spiral,” residents are reporting extreme...

Corey Feldman’s Music in “Goonies 2” to Be Used as a Torture Device for the Bad Guys

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Share This ArticleIn a bold and completely baffling creative decision, the producers of Goonies 2 have announced that the film’s soundtrack will...

Experts Pretty Sure It’s the End Times, But Scientists Insist It’s Actually Just a Tuesday

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Share This ArticleWORLDWIDE — As mysterious new viruses, natural disasters, and general chaos unfold across the globe, leading experts have announced that...

Hollywood Confirms ‘The Goonies 2’ – Lizzo to Star as Chunk, Just Truffle Shuffling for Two Hours

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Share This ArticleAfter years of speculation, Hollywood has finally greenlit The Goonies 2—but it’s not the sequel anyone expected. In a shocking...

Jerry Garcia’s Ghost Found Running a Portland Dispensary—Still on a Really Long, Strange Trip

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Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR — In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the local jam band community, customers at a small dispensary in Southeast...

GoFundMe Created for Husband Who Thought Telling Wife to Calm Down Was a Good Idea

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Share This ArticleIn what’s being dubbed “the most expensive two words ever spoken,” a local man has launched a GoFundMe after making...

Eugene Voted Most Likely to Smell Like Weed Before 9 AM

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Share This ArticleIn a nationwide study that absolutely no one asked for, Eugene, Oregon, has taken home the prestigious title of “Most...

Portland Tesla Owner Remembers to Leave Tesla at Home Before Protesting Tesla

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Share This ArticlePORTLAND, Ore. — In what might be the most Portland thing ever, local resident and proud Tesla owner Trevor Greenfield made headlines on...

Tired Couple Thanks Motel for Nostalgic Cigarette Scent in ‘Charming Vintage Room’

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Share This ArticleAfter a grueling 12-hour road trip filled with endless stretches of highway and way too many gas station hot dogs,...

Police Release Footage That Looks Like It Was Filmed on a Garage Sale Camcorder, Seek Tips

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Share This ArticleNewport, Oregon— Local police have proudly unveiled what they believe to be groundbreaking security footage in their ongoing investigation of...
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