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Father to Honor Wife on Mother’s Day by Taking Her to Breakfast, Then Straight to Pound Town

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Share This ArticleEUGENE, OR — Local dad Kyle Hendershot will celebrate Mother’s Day tomorrow with a heartfelt gesture that begins with waffles...

OPINION: If Property Isn’t Being Destroyed, Is It Even a Peaceful Protest?

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Share This ArticleLook, I know we’re all supposed to be “maturing” as a city or “de-escalating tactics” or whatever Mayor-Of-The-Month is tweeting...

Portland Storefronts Debut Floral Plywood Collection Just in Time for Riot Season

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Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR — As summer 2025 looms and the city braces for another round of protests, drum circles, and Instagram...

First American Pope Wears Cowboy Hat

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Share This ArticleVATICAN CITY — In a historic and deeply confusing moment for the Catholic Church, newly appointed Pope Robert I —...

India-Pakistan Conflict Accidently Solves America’s Spam Call Epidemic

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Share This ArticleWASHINGTON, D.C. — As tensions between India and Pakistan escalated into open conflict this week, something miraculous happened in the...

Pacific Power: “We Understand You’re Struggling—That’s Why We’re Raising Rates Again”

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Share This ArticleSALEM, OR — In a heartfelt press release delivered with the emotional depth of a dropped toaster, Pacific Power announced...

Missing Eugene Cat Allegedly Just Blazed Out of His Mind at the Neighbors’ Place

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Share This ArticleEUGENE, OR — A frantic search for a local feline came to a mellow conclusion Thursday afternoon after “Mittens,” a...

Officials Seek Public’s Help After Elephant Seal Pup Brutally Stabbed on Oregon Coast

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Share This ArticleIn a disturbing and heartbreaking incident, a young elephant seal pup was found stabbed multiple times on the beach in...

Trump to Reopen Toys “R” Us as Maximum Security Prison for “Really Bad Kids”

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Share This ArticleBEDMINSTER, NJ — In a bold move to “bring back law, order, and Geoffrey the Giraffe,” former President Donald Trump...

This Oregon Coast Beach Was Ranked the Best Spot to Watch a Seagull Steal a Burrito From a Toddler

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Share This ArticleCANNON BEACH, OR — In a move that shocked no one familiar with Oregon’s coastal crime wave of airborne kleptomaniacs,...
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