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Oregon Braces for a Full Week of Raining Cats and Dogs – Local Shelters at Capacity

Share This ArticleOregon residents are in for a ruff week as meteorologists confirm that, yes, it will indeed be raining cats and...

Man Who Identifies as Turtle Requests Residency at Oregon Zoo, Cites ‘Natural Habitat’

Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR — Local man Brian “Snappy” Thompson has officially petitioned the Oregon Zoo to recognize his true identity as...

Fast Food Worker Accidentally Gives Customer Every Sauce He Requested

Share This ArticleA local man is struggling to comprehend reality after an unthinkable event at a fast food drive-thru last night. Jacob...

Springfield to Get Two More Car Washes, Leaving Local Residents Absolutely Speechless with Joy

Share This ArticleSPRINGFIELD, OREGON—Local residents can finally breathe a sigh of relief as city officials have approved the construction of two brand-new...

Oregon to Replace Stop Signs with ‘Gentle Suggestions’ to Avoid ‘Harmful Command Language’

Share This Article‘Telling Cars When to Stop Is a Form of Road Privilege’ Oregon has officially banned stop signs in an effort...

Trump Suggests Adding His Face to Mount Rushmore, Proposes ‘Executive Order’ to Expedite

Share This ArticleIn a move that shocked absolutely no one, President Donald Trump has reportedly suggested—and seemingly succeeded in—adding his face to...

Local Woman Proudly Shows Off ‘Check Engine’ Light That Has Been On Since 2018

Share This ArticleLocal woman Jessica Reynolds is beaming with pride after successfully keeping her car’s “Check Engine” light on for an impressive...

Small Town Officials Approve 8th Dollar General, Say ‘We’re Just Gonna Keep Going’

Share This ArticleResidents of Pine Hollow, Oregon, barely had time to recover from the ribbon-cutting of their 7th Dollar General before town...

Tesla Dealerships Now Patrolled by Robot Dogs That Breathe Fire

Share This ArticleIn a bold and completely normal security upgrade, Tesla has officially deployed fire-breathing robot dogs to patrol its dealerships nationwide....

For Just $1,200, Couple Gets Exclusive Close-Up of Two Giants’ Backs for Entire Concert

Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR — Local couple Brian and Jessica Holloway were overjoyed to snag floor tickets to see their favorite band...

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