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Oregon Braces for Rare Tornado Risk as Severe Storms Target the Willamette Valley

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Share This ArticleA rare and potentially dangerous weather event is expected to impact parts of Oregon and the broader Pacific Northwest on...

Oregon School Earns “Gold Medal in Predator Enablement” After Flawless Record of Inaction

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Share This ArticleIn a historic achievement for institutional apathy, St. Helens High School has been awarded the coveted Gold Medal in Predator...

Locals Shocked as Portland RV Appears to Give Birth to Full-Sized Truck in Public

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Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR — In a shocking roadside event that eyewitnesses are describing as “equal parts beautiful and deeply upsetting,” a...

Graffiti Artists Give Up As Portland Now 100% Covered in Spray Paint

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Share This ArticlePORTLAND, OR — In a historic moment of questionable achievement, the City of Portland has officially become the first metropolitan...

Travelers Agree: This Gas Station Port-a-Potty is a ‘Spiritual Oasis in a Plastic Shell’

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Share This ArticleIn the vast, unforgiving wasteland of America’s highways—where fast food wrappers dance in the wind and gas station bathrooms look...

Wife Deploys Tactical Rib Jab in Final Attempt to End Husband’s Snoring

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Share This ArticleMONROE, OR — In the early hours of Wednesday morning, local woman Emily Patterson reportedly launched what experts are calling...

Newly Uncovered Nazi Archives Reveal Hitler Was First Tesla Owner

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Share This ArticleBERLIN — In a discovery that has stunned historians and Tesla enthusiasts alike, newly uncovered Nazi archives have revealed that...

Oregon Capitol Swaps Gold Man for Dad Bod Guy Holding a Vape to Better Represent the Future

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Share This ArticleSALEM, OR — In a historic and absolutely necessary move, Oregon officials have replaced the iconic Gold Man statue atop...

Fyre Festival 2 Promises to Strand Attendees Before They Even Arrive

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Share This ArticleFyre Festival 2 is officially happening, and organizers are promising the most authentic festival experience yet—so authentic, in fact, that attendees should expect...

‘I’m Good for One More’: 37-Year-Old Dad of Two Boldly Orders Another Round at 10:15 PM

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Share This Article“I’m good for one more,” said 37-year-old dad of two, Brad Simmons, at precisely 10:15 PM, stunning his coworkers into...
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