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EUGENE, OR — In a shocking display of follicular fortitude, Eugene resident River Moonstone has shattered all known records — and possibly local zoning ordinances — by growing a single dreadlock that now stretches, according to witnesses, “all the way down the street and possibly into Springfield.”
The Guinness World Records team, originally prepared to confirm a 46-foot achievement, had to send in a second team via drone after discovering the dreadlock’s true length exceeded their measuring tape, the block, and arguably, the concept of personal space.
“It’s hard to measure something when it’s being used as a slackline by local children,” said one official, brushing kombucha
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