Small Town Officials Approve 8th Dollar General, Say ‘We’re Just Gonna Keep Going’

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Residents of Pine Hollow, Oregon, barely had time to recover from the ribbon-cutting of their 7th Dollar General before town officials announced the construction of store #8—directly across the street. The decision, described by Mayor Tom Wilkins as “inevitable,” was met with mixed reactions, ranging from shrugs of acceptance to mild confusion.

“We thought seven was enough,” said local resident Diane McAllister, shaking her head as she clutched a plastic bag filled with off-brand Doritos and a seasonal garden gnome. “But then I realized… what if I need another bag of rubber bands and a bottle of lemon-scented floor cleaner while I’m at the other end of

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