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PORTLAND, OR — Local couple Brian and Jessica Holloway were overjoyed to snag floor tickets to see their favorite band live, dropping a casual $1,200 for what they expected to be a magical night of music, love, and unforgettable memories. Instead, they spent the entire concert staring at the backs of two absolute behemoths, whom scientists estimate were each at least 7 feet tall and possibly part oak tree.
“We got in early, right in the center, perfect view of the stage,” Brian recalled wistfully. “Then, right as the lights dimmed, these two human Sequoias waltzed up in front of us. I swear to God, they blocked
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